Atul is going through a I-am-a-big-boy-now phase (remember the Complan ad?). He wants to wear his clothes, from underwear to shoes, all by himself without any assistance from appa or amma. Sometimes it takes multiple attempts and occasionally it leaves him frustrated, with finding his sleeves being the most challenging part of the getting-dressed-up drama. Upset and helpless, he would come to us, "It is so hard, my hand is on the way, I am not able to find it (sleeves)". Although the parental reflex is to go find the sleeves for him, we have learnt not to succumb to it.  Once or twice we committed that mistake, and it only magnified the meltdown. "Why did you help me? I wanted to do it all by myself. Don't do that amma (or appa)". Us helping him somehow seemed to undermine his efforts; it was as though we stole some of the credit due to him. So, we have switched our roles to that of cheer leaders. Maintaining a one-arm-distance, we lavish words of cheer  - Atul, you can do it, just stay calm and be patient with yourself, turn the tshirt all the way around., yaada yaada yaada. By hook or crook, most of the times, as intended, the three and half a year old succeeds in wearing them (that is underwear, pant, undershirt, etc.). The sense of accomplishment from surviving the ordeal and the satisfaction that he did it by himself take the form of a naughty glee and is at its pinnacle, when Arvind and I clap and give a hi-five to him. Joyfully, the kiddo proclaims, "I did it mommy (daddy)". To which the cheer leaders respond, yes kanna, you did it and we are proud of you for not giving up!


Then, there are times when he likes to regress into his babyhood days. He would go searching for his sippy cup or would fancy using his baby spoons and forks for his meals. In role plays, he would declare, "You are the mommy and I am the baby. I will cry because I don't know to use words yet." When he sees a baby with a pacifier, he would express a fleeting desire to use it. I selectively (and carefully) give in to his requests and let him experience babyhood briefly.

Coming to think of it, I go through somewhat similar phases too. There are days when I want to be a grown up - when there is a strong desire to nurture, give and care. And then there are times when I long to relive the carefree days of school and college; re-experience the pleasure of doing nothing. Like Atul, I selectively indulge. A late night movie with the husband. An evening out with a close friend. A long early morning walk. Some quiet time with a book. It's only a phase and after receiving it's share of attention, true to its nature, it passes. And I am ready to enter my world of commitments with renewed energy and focus.