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The transition is a big change not only for Atul but also for us. Co-sleeping is such fun. To be physically close to Atul, exchanging stories, having our zen moments after a stressful day was something that we have so cherished in spite of all the kicks and body aches that are the side effects when two adults and a pre-schooler sleep on a queen size bed. Yet, deep down I nursed a twinge of guilt that perhaps we were not inculcating good sleeping habits, as it was evident that he woke up the second he was left alone. So all along we took turns to make sure that one of us was by his side. Advocates of co-sleeping would say that he would eventually outgrow that need with time. I know he would, I did when I was a kid and I know a thousand others that did. But still I had to try it out to assuage my guilty consciousness. So when Atul comes back at 2:00 in the night, declaring that he is all done sleeping on his own for the night, we welcome him with open arms! A win-win situation in my mind.
Note: In case you were wondering why Atul referred to carnivores and not monsters, according to his reasoning a monster eats people and animals, so a monster cannot be a herbivore. Thus monster=carnivore.
- Mood:
hungry
I felt a lump in my throat as Arvind and I drove back lost in silence, both of us engrossed in our own world of thoughts . Last Thursday was Atul's last day at his school. The day was filled with all the fun things that he associated with school – Play ball, Show and Tell, pizza for lunch, and his friend A had come too. We handed over the treats we had bought for the kids and the staff, took some class pictures and extended our heartfelt gratitude to the teachers for making him feel at “home”, and for their contribution in molding his personality this past year. The teachers had made a beautiful scrap book for Atul as goodbye gift. It had pictures of Atul with silly faces, playing with his favorite toys, and being pally with A. Knowing Atul's liking (rather obsession) for stickers, they had included a couple of sheets of stickers for him. It was very touching. A treasure that he will cherish in the years to come.
As I pulled into our driveway on Thursday evening, I asked, “Atul are you sad that you will not be going to BH any more?”, to which he said, “I am sad because my teachers and friends will miss me”. I think he was going through mixed emotions that day. Losing the familiarity of his old school and friends made him feel insecure, but by the same token the novelty of the new school, and new toys excited him. I assured him that if he wanted, we could visit his old school to say hi to his teachers and even have play dates with old friends in the weekends.
The day also made me realize how much I counted on his teachers to be there for him - to give an extra nudge during lunch time, to teach him to stand up for himself, to comfort him when he is hurt, and to encourage him to share and care. Some days I have worried that he was missing out on the one to one interaction, but the guilty consciousness almost always vanished the second I entered his classroom in the evening for picking him up, when he would refuse to leave, and would plead for staying for “last 7 minutes”. I consider that as a yardstick to gauge how happy he was spending majority of his day away from parents, at school.
With the shift in schools, Atul will officially exit the day care environment. Bestest of best wishes to my little one. I know you will shine, wherever you are.
- Mood:
tired
Atul: Mommy, can I sleep next to you?
Me: No kanna (no dear)
Atul: Please mommy, just for today.
Me: Illa da kanna. You are a big boy now and you have to sleep on your own in the big boy bed. Go to sleep now kanna, amma is feeling sleepy too.
Atul: But mommy, you are all alone there
Me: It's ok ma. You are here right next to me. I don't feel lonely at all.
Atul: I think you will start crying now.
Me: Illa da raja. I don't feel sad at all. Now go to sleep.
Atul: Can you atleast give me your hand?
Me: No ma kanna. Amma's hands will start aching if I keep my hand on you for a long time.
Atul: Can you keep your hands atleast for two minutes, please please?
It's easier to fight the tantrums than the please. And as I said earlier there are only so many NOs that one is capable of saying, especially at 3:00 in the morning. I succumb, and he wins!
- Mood: tired
Food is not one of Atul's favorite subject. He eats well when he is hungry, but there is no guarantee that he would eat every single meal and snack, every single day. There have been days when he had polished his lunch and then there have been days when the very same menu came back untouched. When we raised it as a concern to Atul's pediatrician, she advised that toddlers need just one and a half full meal per day to help them stay healthy and aid their growth. We were told, as long as it averages out, he is in a good place.
Later, when I was discussing this with a friend, she recommended this book to me and I am so glad I took her advise and checked it out. The underlying theme of the book is the clear division of responsibility between parents and kids when it comes to eating. Parents are responsible for what is presented to eat and the manner in which it is presented. Children are responsible for how much and even whether they eat.
The book helped us look at Atul's eating habits in a whole new perspective. While we never took to force feeding him, we certainly thought it was our responsibility to monitor how well and how much he ate. We are slowly learning to unlearn this attitude and trust Atul to regulate the quantity of his food intake. We have some simple rules that he is expected to abide by during meal time. No watching TV or reading books while eating. No moving around during meal time. Eat while you eat, play while you play. The only snacks that will be served at home during week days will be fruits. However, he gets to choose anything for his snack time during the weekend, no questions asked. He is required to do three things after meal time - put his plate in the sink, clean himself up, drink some water.
We see a big improvement in Atul's eating behavior after following some of the simple things outlined in the book. But more importantly, the battle of wills at meal time has definitely come down over the past couple of months.
- Mood: sleepy
When I narrated this to Arvind, my wise husband threw a nugget of wisdom - Atul is like flowing water. It is better to go with the flow than to resist it. And for the record, I agree :-)
Then, there are times when he likes to regress into his babyhood days. He would go searching for his sippy cup or would fancy using his baby spoons and forks for his meals. In role plays, he would declare, "You are the mommy and I am the baby. I will cry because I don't know to use words yet." When he sees a baby with a pacifier, he would express a fleeting desire to use it. I selectively (and carefully) give in to his requests and let him experience babyhood briefly.
Coming to think of it, I go through somewhat similar phases too. There are days when I want to be a grown up - when there is a strong desire to nurture, give and care. And then there are times when I long to relive the carefree days of school and college; re-experience the pleasure of doing nothing. Like Atul, I selectively indulge. A late night movie with the husband. An evening out with a close friend. A long early morning walk. Some quiet time with a book. It's only a phase and after receiving it's share of attention, true to its nature, it passes. And I am ready to enter my world of commitments with renewed energy and focus.
- Mood:
happy
Well, I have myself to blame for this transformation. A few weeks back while shopping for b'day presents for one of his friends, he asked me why do we buy presents for our friends on their b'day? You see in which direction this is headed? I told him, a b'day is a special day and we buy presents to make friends feel special. But little did I know then that he would interpolate the logic and throw it back at me some day. Grrrrrrrr!
A close friend of mine, fondly nicknamed Atul as “Kelvi Nayagan”. Kelvi in Tamizh means question and Nayagan refers to Hero. So roughly translated, Kelvi Nayagan would imply king of questions.
- Mood:
blank
Please don't hold a donut party while I am gone
Focus your attention on him when he is having his breakfast, or else he would dodge
I have told him that he can take only one stuffed toy for nap time
When Arvind goes out of town, his advise for me:
Pavam, give him treats once in a while. If you don't give him the snacks he likes, he will feel deprived
It's ok if he doesn't eat every meal. He will make up for it.
May be you can watch a movie with him during the weekends
Talk about differences in parenting style. I wouldn't be surprised if Atul grows up thinking that appa is cool as a cucumber and amma is hot as a pepper!
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If you have been following this blog, you must be familiar with my addiction to hug and kiss Atul. All that will have to change now because my son has made it loud and clear that only he is in control of his body. A few weeks back when I gave my routine hug and kiss to him, he broke down and proclaimed, “Mommy don't touch my body. I don't want a kiss”. The first time I heard it, it made me want to cry, as if I had committed an unpardonable crime. But you see, with time I have developed immunity to this statement and am slowly learning to work my way around it by saying things like, “Hey you, how about giving a magic kiss to amma” and later add, "would you like a magic kiss from me".
Innovation is a trait that every parent should learn to imbibe, what do you say?
So, Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting to you, A Preschool Two Fairytale , by the budding fairytale writers of Preshool 2 in BH, - "Once upon a time, there was a unicorn and a fairy. They lived in Concord in a hotel. They liked to take naps. One day, while eating lunch, they played and took a nap. And then the blue guy came and stole their kite. The blue guy was playing a board game while the unicorn and fairy took their kite back. And they lived happily ever after! The End"
Hans Christian Anderson would have had a tough time keeping up with their creative juices! Don't you think? :-)
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Although not regularly as I would like to, I do read or narrate episodes from the Ramayana or Ganesha and other religious books to Atul whenever I get a chance. When he was younger, Atu's interest was in the breadth of the story. His interest was in naming the different characters and familiarizing himself with the story from beginning to end. But now the focus has turned to the depth of the story with volley of why and what questions, which, a lot of times, leaves me searching for answers. Here are some sample questions from curious Atul:
- Why did Shiva cut the Boy's (Ganesha's) head? Was He a rude person?
- Why did Ravana take away Sita? Why was Jadayu sad?
- What will happen if I don't do Ommachi Kapathu ? (pray)
- How will Ommachi (God) make my boo-boo better?
- Recently he asked me about his paternal grandpa, who passed away over a year back.
Atul: Where is Kanna thata?
Amma: With Ommachi (God)
Atul: In which temple can I find him?
My task is to come up with answers that do not contradict explanations I have given in the past and will be consistent with the likely answers I will give in the future, because while I am answering him, at the back of his mind, he is connecting the dots and writing a tale of his own!
- Mood: happy
When I explain things to Atul, I re-learn some of life's lessons with him. “never be rude to anyone because it makes that person feel sad”, “when we are upset with someone, we should use words and tell them why we are upset”, “if you share something with someone, then that person will have that too”. So easy to forget some of life's simplest rules somewhere along the way.
- Mood:
productive
Atul and I have a religious routine too. After his bath in the evening, both of us would come down to do “ommachi kapathu”(pray). I would light the lamp and Atul would eagerly reach out for Viboothi and Kumkum. Then we would start our prayers. Atul would name a Deity from our altar and my role is to recite the relevant slokam. We would then thank the Almighty for making us healthy, happy and wise. My favorite part is, in an attempt to copy me, Atul would fold his hands and close his eyes for a couple of seconds in silent prayer... every time I see him do that, I can't help wondering what goes on in his itsy bitsy mind for those two seconds.
Before I close, here's a video clipping of "Kurrai Onrum Illai" by M.S. Subbulakshmi ,which I bumped into through my brother and sister-in-law's orkut uploads. Please do yourself a favor and listen to this song. For the 4.5 minutes that M.S. sings, you can be guaranteed to lose yourself to her magical voice and the devotion with which she renders the song.
Atul's b'day celebration began a day in advance, which also happened to be his star b'day. As soon as he woke up, Arvind and I sang the Happy B'day song with his face glowing at its best. Then, the 3 year old began with a volley of questions, “is today my B'day”, “will A come to my party?”, “will you buy me a clown cap?”, “can I open my present?”. So many things to get excited about. By now he had equated b'day to present day. So we had this conversation on how b'day is
Then, we marched to Atul's school with his favorite snacks (Cheez it and Ice Cream). As soon as he entered the classroom, all his friends started heaping b'day wishes. Atul likes it when I spend time with him at school. So the plan was for me to read books to kids at the end of the day. But being the day before Thanksgiving, attendance was thin. Nevertheless we stuck to our plan and read Atul's favorite story, the Jungle book, for the one kid that was willing to listen :-).
The next day, which was his DOB, Atul received wishes from grandparents, aunt, uncle and friends. One of my friends had come over and we had a simple cake cutting ceremony. This was followed by a visit to the Ashland temple in the evening. The celebration extended till Thanksgiving weekend. We organized a small b'day party for Atul at home on novemeber 26th. With about 10 kids around, the house was teeming with life. All it took was, clown caps and assorted toys to get the kiddies jubilant. Atul totally enjoyed being in the limelight. At the end of the day, he came up to us and asked matter-of-fact, “Is my b'day all done?”. I smile at him with a nod, while I secretly thanked God for making him ours.
- Mood: productive
Streamers, Balloons, Cake, Ice Cream and Friends. The countdown for the Third b'day party has been going on for a while. Every once in few days, he would come up to us to check his birth date and if it's that day yet. Now that it's drawing so close, he is super thrilled. This year Atul's birthday coincides with Thanksgiving day, November 22nd.
What a difference a year can make in the life of a child. If last year, we were in awe of his intellectual abilities, this year, Atul stole our hearts away with his emotional developments. From saying, “I love you”, when he is truly overflowing with affection, to letting me know his displeasure, “Enna thidathe mommy, nee thitiina ennakku rhomba sad irrukku”, to expressing concern, “how is your boo boo? are you feeling better today”, to singing silly songs with his dad, “Thaya gujjanara” (suffice to say, it's a silly phrase that Atul and daddy sing solely for the giggling pleasure of the family), he has only made us realize how real his feelings are!
Arvind and I are so thankful that Atul is part and parcel of our lives. That he is a happy, healthy, affectionate and intelligent kiddie. That he has brought so much joy and cheer into our lives.
Advance B'day wishes, my little one. Appa and amma love you and are so proud of you!
- Mood: content
Ever since we moved to the new house, the amount of quality time that I spend with Atul has been trending downwards :(, which explains the lack of updates on his front in the blog. So much has been happening on Atul's front that I can fill an 80-page notebook with anecdotes on him. Presenting the abridged version under the cut :-)
I am so glad I am preserving some of Atul's growing up experiences here. One day Arvind and I will probably be turning these web pages with Atul by our side :-)
- Mood: accomplished
Have I ever told you that spending time with a two and half year old is so much fun!
- Mood: happy
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Atul has learnt to say "nallaki" (tomorrow) when he wants to avoid doing something. These days if I ask him, if he has done poo poo. He would promptly reply, "Not yet mommy. Nallaki poo poo panaren (will do poo poo tomorrow)".
Context for another "nallaki" conversation. Atul would be so full of words at bed time. So, generally, before taking him for his bed time, I would tell him that it's time to say good night and that he should stay quiet while lying down on bed. To which, he would promptly reply, "nallaki pesaren mommy" (will talk to you tomorrow).
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Me: Arvind, we need to get shoes for Atul
Arvind: Atul, do you want Spiderman shoes or Thomas shoes
Atul: Fire engine shoes
Arvind: There are no fire engine shoes dear
Atul: James (wears) fire engine shoes
Arvind and I were totally stumped at how this little kid 1. has observed that his friend wears fire engine shoes 2. that he would like to have one too 3. quote it in context when asked for his shoe preference. Talk about peer pressure!
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For the most part, Atul talks in tamil to both of us. I was slightly concerned that it could be a problem if he talks in Tamil at school and not able to get his point across. But his teacher tells me that he talks to them in English. I think in his mind he has made the distinction between the languages and knows the audience for his language as well. Gosh, the wonders of the human brain.
- Mood: sleepy
So why this sudden change of mind? Well, my little one is following my footsteps and refuses to have yogurt rice. I am kinda ok with it because of my own experience. But then, there is a part of me that feels guilty for not trying aggressively when he was younger (and when his taste buds were just budding) and I want to make up for it. These days Atul likes to have food from our plate and is interested in having whatever food we are eating. He says, "sendu sampidalam" (let's eat together). So my logic is, if he sees me eat yogurt, may be he will be more willing to try it. I don't think I can still make myself eat yogurt rice, but atleast I am open to eating it in disguised form. The ancillary benefit from shedding this complete dislike? It will aid me in my attempts to lose weight , about which I will rant in an all together different post.
- Atul is learning to exploit us. The second we say, "Atul, it's bed time in 5 minutes", he would have this irresistable urge to read a book or would hold on to his stomach and say "mommy hungry, mac n cheese" and would be so upset if I didn't read that book or offer something to eat. It took a while for us to figure out that these were gimmicks to postpone his bed time. My friend at work thinks that I should be proud of this "milestone". That this is a new layer of logic for him, to figure out how our mind works and accordingly alter his behavior. I like that explanation as opposed to admitting that we did fall for his gimmicks :-)
- I wouldn't say we are actively potty training Atul at home. We make him sit on the potty, let him flush, use the toilet paper etc. Plus, he sees the bigger kids use the potty at school. At this point, it's all a game to him and he is terrified at the thought of using the potty for what it is meant for. The anecdote that follows this background information would crack you up. These days when we offer him a tissue to wipe his mouth, he would follow it with wiping his bum bum (with his clothes on) and would declare "all done". What's hilarious about this is, he follows this sequence so casually, as a matter of fact, as though it's the thing to do.
- A big milestone for Atul. He has stopped sucking his thumb. When Atul was a baby, we never used a pacifier. But when he was around 5 months old, he learnt to use his thumb to soothe himself. We were told to ignore this habit and that it would go away on his own. But during our past three visits to India, people would come up to him and take his thumb away from his mouth. I felt like shouting, "Leave him alone. That's his way of soothing himself and there is nothing wrong with it". People often termed it as a "bad behavior" and that I should nip it in the bud. I must secretly admit that I was tad concerned that this behavior will not be easy to break. But it just went away, on its own, unnoticed.
- Atul is generally possessive about me. He doesn't like it when I hug somebody or when somebody hugs me. While this has been the case since he was a baby, his verbal skills have helped him to express his possessiveness. When a kid at school inches closer to me, he would declare his exclusivity, "Atul's mommy". He is generally understanding when I say, "amma can hug you and him at the same time". Also some days, he would come up to me and point to his cheeks and say, "amma kiss", melting my heart away.
- Generally, when I pick him up at school, he would go to infant room to watch the babies. He would come up to me and say, "babies cute". How cute is that!
Part 2 of the update to follow
- Mood:in a hurry
