During one of my routine conversations with my sis-in-law, the discussion centered around formal wears and gravitated towards pencil skirts. It caught me by surprise when I unintentionally mentioned to her that I don't find pencil skirts as charming any more.

Growing up, I always envisioned myself as an ambitious and career-oriented person. One that will be making critical decisions, motivating folks, driving the strategic direction of the company I belonged to, so on and so forth. And who was my inspiration? Oddly, the pencil skirt clad woman on the back cover of the business weekly that appa used to bring home. She looked brainy, smart and career-driven in that outfit. She symbolized all that I aspired for. She sowed the seeds for my career goals.

And then I grew up and realized that I am not that ambitious after all. I wanted a job that will be intensive enough to stimulate me intellectually, but not so intensive that it will leave other aspects of my life disoriented. I realized that I can make business decisions, albeit in small ways, in the comfort of jeans and t-shirt. That I would rather wear free-flowing-flared skirts than the figure-fitting pencil skirts. That I value comfort more than appearance.

I returned from the business offsite meeting a couple of hours back. I am very impressed with the treatment we got. Fancy hotel room, sumptuous food, gambling opportunities, music and dance... what indulgence! I must admit that I am beginning to see the advantages of being part of a big corporation :)

Arvind did an awesome job of holding the fort when I was away. As my mom told my grandmom, "Arvind takes better care of Atul than Suman. There is no need to worry about the little one just because she is going to be away". I partied and had fun knowing at the back of my mind that if at all anything, Atul is in better hands.

Atul was well behaved for most part. Looks like he missed me a little bit at bed time, other than that it was business-as-usual for him. I tried very hard to take an earlier flight to be home before he went to bed tonight just for the thrill of watching his face light up. Of course, not only were the earlier flights full but also the flight for which I had a confirmed ticket was late by an hour. Atu was fast asleep by the time I made it. Can't wait to hug, kiss and spoil him tomorrow.

My company, Open Ratings, got acquired by Dun & Bradstreet about 10 days back. Initially, I wasn't too excited about being part of a billion dollar company. There is something charming about working for a small company. There is more freedom and autonomy, the organization structure is flatter, work environment is that of a start up and there is this visibility factor. All of these intangible benefits gets traded off as the company size gets bigger. It will be interesting to see how my company transforms in the coming days. On a personal note, I can sport a brand name on my resume. Yay!

It has been crazy busy ever since I started working and I still don't understand why it has to be so hard. I am doing the bare minimum everywhere: I don't cook elaborately, Atul is mostly on jar food, Arvind pitches in with most of the household chores, there are times when it gets hectic at work but nothing unmanagable... and yet my list of things to do is growing and aging. It's so frustrating when I think how I spend 99.99% of my day on mundane activities. I think I need to take a hard look at my routine and make time for things that I enjoy doing.

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I was disheartened a few days back wondering if I have chosen a mediocre career path. I can definitely say that my career aspirations have taken a back seat after becoming a mom... still there are times when I feel like devoting more time and energy enhancing my career but I don't nurture it for fear of tilting the balance. Or may be I am just not willing to work harder.