I felt a lump in my throat as Arvind and I drove back lost in silence, both of us engrossed in our own world of thoughts . Last Thursday was Atul's last day at his school. The day was filled with all the fun things that he associated with school – Play ball, Show and Tell, pizza for lunch, and his friend A had come too. We handed over the treats we had bought for the kids and the staff, took some class pictures and extended our heartfelt gratitude to the teachers for making him feel at “home”, and for their contribution in molding his personality this past year. The teachers had made a beautiful scrap book for Atul as goodbye gift. It had pictures of Atul with silly faces, playing with his favorite toys, and being pally with A. Knowing Atul's liking (rather obsession) for stickers, they had included a couple of sheets of stickers for him. It was very touching. A treasure that he will cherish in the years to come.

As I pulled into our driveway on Thursday evening, I asked, “Atul are you sad that you will not be going to BH any more?”, to which he said, “I am sad because my teachers and friends will miss me”. I think he was going through mixed emotions that day. Losing the familiarity of his old school and friends made him feel insecure, but by the same token the novelty of the new school, and new toys excited him. I assured him that if he wanted, we could visit his old school to say hi to his teachers and even have play dates with old friends in the weekends.

The day also made me realize how much I counted on his teachers to be there for him - to give an extra nudge during lunch time, to teach him to stand up for himself, to comfort him when he is hurt, and to encourage him to share and care. Some days I have worried that he was missing out on the one to one interaction, but the guilty consciousness almost always vanished the second I entered his classroom in the evening for picking him up, when he would refuse to leave, and would plead for staying for “last 7 minutes”. I consider that as a yardstick to gauge how happy he was spending majority of his day away from parents, at school.

With the shift in schools, Atul will officially exit the day care environment. Bestest of best wishes to my little one. I know you will shine, wherever you are. 

Atul's first year at day care was a nightmare. He was sick all the time, and I am not exaggerating when I say that we visited the doctor's office every other week.  He detested the doctor's place and would cling on to me the second we parked our car. You can read about how handful he used to be here. Well, that was two years back and at that time I remember the doctor telling that this would change when he turns three and that he would be the nicest patient ever. I took her words with a grain of salt then. Yesterday, we had to take him to the doctor, as he developed temperature. Nothing major, but serious enough to get him checked up. So when the doctor came in,  the little patient took charge and complained , "I am not feeling well today. I am sick". The doctor started chatting with him, explaining step by step what she was doing and why she was doing what she was doing. He was apprehensive but somehow I could tell that he had developed some trust in her and was slowly getting comfortable with the drill. She then told him that he is sick but not terribly sick and that he was not going to get any shots. I could almost sense Atul saying, "Phew!". Gradually, the conversation moved on to things like school and eating vegetables. When he knew the visit was coming to an end, he asked matter-of-fact, "can I have a lollipop now?", to which the doctor joyfully obliged.  It was as though Atul had found a new best friend!

Atul is going through a I-am-a-big-boy-now phase (remember the Complan ad?). He wants to wear his clothes, from underwear to shoes, all by himself without any assistance from appa or amma. Sometimes it takes multiple attempts and occasionally it leaves him frustrated, with finding his sleeves being the most challenging part of the getting-dressed-up drama. Upset and helpless, he would come to us, "It is so hard, my hand is on the way, I am not able to find it (sleeves)". Although the parental reflex is to go find the sleeves for him, we have learnt not to succumb to it.  Once or twice we committed that mistake, and it only magnified the meltdown. "Why did you help me? I wanted to do it all by myself. Don't do that amma (or appa)". Us helping him somehow seemed to undermine his efforts; it was as though we stole some of the credit due to him. So, we have switched our roles to that of cheer leaders. Maintaining a one-arm-distance, we lavish words of cheer  - Atul, you can do it, just stay calm and be patient with yourself, turn the tshirt all the way around., yaada yaada yaada. By hook or crook, most of the times, as intended, the three and half a year old succeeds in wearing them (that is underwear, pant, undershirt, etc.). The sense of accomplishment from surviving the ordeal and the satisfaction that he did it by himself take the form of a naughty glee and is at its pinnacle, when Arvind and I clap and give a hi-five to him. Joyfully, the kiddo proclaims, "I did it mommy (daddy)". To which the cheer leaders respond, yes kanna, you did it and we are proud of you for not giving up!


Then, there are times when he likes to regress into his babyhood days. He would go searching for his sippy cup or would fancy using his baby spoons and forks for his meals. In role plays, he would declare, "You are the mommy and I am the baby. I will cry because I don't know to use words yet." When he sees a baby with a pacifier, he would express a fleeting desire to use it. I selectively (and carefully) give in to his requests and let him experience babyhood briefly.

Coming to think of it, I go through somewhat similar phases too. There are days when I want to be a grown up - when there is a strong desire to nurture, give and care. And then there are times when I long to relive the carefree days of school and college; re-experience the pleasure of doing nothing. Like Atul, I selectively indulge. A late night movie with the husband. An evening out with a close friend. A long early morning walk. Some quiet time with a book. It's only a phase and after receiving it's share of attention, true to its nature, it passes. And I am ready to enter my world of commitments with renewed energy and focus. 

We closed the agreement on the new house in the Boston Registry of Deeds on June 28th. Arvind and I arrived at the place half an hour early and so decided to take a detour to the nearby Galleria Mall for a dose of caffeine. We sat there, Arvind sipping his coffee and I, relishing my hot chocolate, recounting our house hunting experience. For most part, we were thankful that the process was relatively smooth thus far and concluded that if there was one thing we could have done differently, it would be hiring a buyer's agent. There were days when we wished we had someone to represent our interests in the transaction. Arvind did an amazing job of guarding our stake but little bit of help from an experienced mind could have given us a sense of direction. After this thoughtful discussion, we headed to the Registry of Deeds. It was supposed to be the busiest weekend for the season and there were many buyers and sellers in the process of closing their agreements. We managed to find a circular table and sat there twiddling our thumbs, waiting for someone to arrive. Before we could burst out of impatience, the seller's agent arrived. The lawyers came unfashionably late, adding to our anxiety. Arvind and I had to sign reams and reams of paper. We kept exchanging glances at each other as though reassuring that this is the right thing to do. Then came the most depressing part of the transaction: handing over that big fat down payment. I could feel butterflies in my stomach, the thought of having to make monthly payments, month after month, for the next 30 years was not very comforting. The deed was recorded and the transaction complete. Then came the loudest sigh of relief and the biggest smile, yet another milestone for both of us!

We hurried home to hire our rental van. A couple of friends pitched in with the move and the bulk of the stuff were transferred on the 28th evening. While we were scheduled to move to the new house on the 30th, a power shutdown at the old house forced us to move into our new home on the 29th. Neither Arvind nor I felt strongly about having a "grihapravesh", the housewarming pooja, and so by God's grace and with the blessings of the elders, we moved in with a  low profile simple "paal kaachi". I took the week off for unpacking and arranging things.

All of us are head over heels in love with our new home. The first few days, Atul kept yelling, "I like the new house".  My mom-in-law enthusiastically describes the house to folks back home. From time to time, Arvind and I would comment to each other, "I am glad we bought this house!".

Ok gotta go.. to savor the joys of home ownership: mowing the lawn, watering the plants, clearing the deck and not to mention the thrill of making our monthly mortgage payments.

Another big milestone for Atul. Since last weekend, he has been using the potty at home for pee-pee and poo-poo. He doesn't wear diaper at home anymore (go Atul!). You should see his face glowing with pride as soon as he starts peeing. He would jubilantly declare, "I did the pee-pee, I get a sticker!" (yes, the sticker is the motivation, although of late, he repeats this sentence more out of habit). This is followed by clapping of hands and words of kudos from the household. Then, there is this whole ritual of using the toilet paper, flushing and washing hands. He is amused by how the poo-poo disappears whenever he flushes. He would curiously ask, "engo porathu poo poo" (where does the poo poo go?).  One of the things that he looks forward to these days is, which underwear to wear? orange or green? the one with one bear or two bears?

Have I ever told you that spending time with a two and half year old is so much fun!

There is never a dull moment with a toddler at home.  He is a bundle of joy and a bundle of trouble. Here are some updates on his front.

- Atul is learning to exploit us. The second we say, "Atul, it's bed time in 5 minutes", he would have this irresistable urge to read a book or would hold on to his stomach and say "mommy hungry,  mac n cheese" and would be so upset if I didn't read that book or offer something to eat. It took  a while for us to figure out that these were gimmicks to postpone his bed time. My friend at work thinks that I should be proud of this "milestone". That this is a new layer of logic for him, to figure out how our mind works and accordingly alter his behavior. I like that explanation  as opposed to admitting that we did fall for his gimmicks :-)

- I wouldn't say we are actively potty training Atul at home. We make him sit on the potty, let him flush, use the toilet paper etc. Plus, he sees the bigger kids use the potty at school. At this point, it's all a game to him and he is terrified at the thought of using the potty for what it is meant for. The anecdote that follows this background information would crack you up. These days when we offer him a tissue to wipe his mouth, he would follow it with wiping his bum bum (with his clothes on) and would declare "all done". What's hilarious about this is, he follows this sequence so casually, as a matter of fact, as though it's the thing to do.

- A big milestone for Atul. He has stopped sucking his thumb. When Atul was a baby, we never used a pacifier. But when he was around 5 months old, he learnt to use his thumb to soothe himself. We were told to ignore this habit and that it would go away on his own. But during our past three visits to India, people would come up to him and take his thumb away from his mouth. I felt like shouting, "Leave him alone. That's his way of soothing himself and there is nothing wrong with it". People often termed it as a "bad behavior" and that I should nip it in the bud. I must secretly admit that I was tad concerned that this behavior will not be easy to break. But it just went away, on its own, unnoticed.

- Atul is generally possessive about me. He doesn't like it when I hug somebody or when somebody hugs me. While this has been the case since he was a baby, his verbal skills have helped him to express his possessiveness. When a kid at school inches closer to me, he would declare his exclusivity, "Atul's mommy".  He is generally understanding when I say, "amma can hug you and him at the same time". Also some days, he would come up to me and point to his cheeks and say, "amma kiss", melting my heart away.

- Generally, when I pick him up at school, he would go to infant room to watch the babies. He would come up to me and say, "babies cute". How cute is that!

Part 2 of the update to follow

- Atul moved to the toddler room, known as Caterpillar, last month. Although the teachers in this room are nurturing, they don't pamper the kids as they used to in the older infant room. The emphasis in this room is on learning, discipline and schedule. Atul enjoys the outdoor activities, the pizzas on friday afternoons and being in the company of older kids (the kids in this room interact a lot with the older kids in the next room). It's taking me a while to get used to it because the information on the daily notes is matter-of-fact and does not contain the two-line stories that was part and parcel of the notes from his old room.

- Atul is eager to strike conversation with strangers. He would know when someone is paying attention to him and would take total advantage of it. We had been to the shopping mall the other day and while I was busy window shopping, our little hero went to a couple and started talking to them (a lot of baby talk with words in between) as though he has known them for ages.

- Atul keeps testing his boundaries all the time. For instance, He not only insists on drinking from the cup, but wants to do it on the move. And after a while, he would want to pour the water on his shirt to get wet or would want to spill it on the table in order to play with the mess. In situations like these, I have learnt that I have to be polite but firm. If I am wishy-washy, I get exploited. In this case, for eg., I wouldn't give the cup to him unless he sits on the kitchen floor (since there is no carpet). If he is not thirsty, I take the cup away saying that he can play with water in the bathtub but not in the kitchen. He would throw tantrums for a few seconds and once he realizes I am not going to budge, he would move on.

- Atul is a different person in day care. When it's nap time, all his teacher does is tell him that it's time to take a nap. He goes to his sleeping mat, talks to himself and goes to sleep on his own after a while. And at home, this kid takes his family of stuffed toys and has to do a whole lot of fun things like playing "ghoda ghoda" on my tummmy, pinching my cheeks and pulling my hair.

- It's getting easier to know what Atul wants as his communication skills have improved by leaps and bounds. For example, when he is finished with his meals he would say "aa vaa" (all done in his language), if he wants more, he would show it by sign language and if he is not interested in his food, he would say "num" (no). When he sees a squirrel, he would call me and show signs for "come". (after the tamil rhyme anile anile, vaa vaa).

- Atul is expressive about his possessiveness for his toys. If somebody comes for his toys, he would hold on to it and say "mine mommy".

- Atul is combining words. For eg. Kaaname Bus (can't see the bus). I taught him to say "daddy, I love you" for father's day. He repeats after me word by word but doesn't realize the meaning. He would point to my eye, when he says "I" :)

Okay, it has been nearly a month since I wrote on Atul's latest developments. These milestones are following a geometric progression and are becoming difficult to track. Here are some small stories that capture some of his milestones.

- Atu got a wooden puzzle with traffic signs on it at a friend's b'day party. I was not too keen on inaugurating the toy thinking that it's a complicated concept for a 15 month old. Guess what? After 2 months, he identifies all the traffic signs and puts them in place.... and he yells "top ti" (stop sign) when he sees stop signs on our way to his school. There is no limit to what you can teach a kid!

- Atu can hold long conversations if you can keep up with his baby talk. You can tell that his language makes a lot of sense to him as it's accompanied with voice modulations and expressions on his face. You should listen to these converstations... they are so cute and hilarious!

- Atu and Arvind make good playmates. Boo game, "uuppu mootai", playing with trucks and cars and pretend games are some of the things they do together. I go awwwwwww every time I watch the two play.

- Atu is a little cookie monster. He wants to eat, talk and sleep coo (cookie according to him). Before, I used to trick him by giving smaller pieces of crackers (yes, cookies and crackers are synonymous in our house) but now he refuses to take them if I give him in bits. And it's not out of sight, out of mind anymore. He would be eating his meals and all of a sudden he would decide that he wants a coo. I am finding it hard to use the diverting trick these days.

- It is no secret that babies love skin to skin touch. While it has been intuitive to him in his infant days, now he has become more conscious of that fact. So when I am changing my dress, he would come rushing to me for that skin to skin touch. He would rest on me as though that's the greatest comfort he can get in the world. Now I know why it's challenging to wean a baby after he turns one.

- When I read the book of opposites to Atul, he would point to the light in our house, when I am about to come to the page where it says heavy X light. How do you teach that words have different meanings to a toddler?

- He can identify his head, ears, teeth, hands, tummy. It's funny to see him search for his tummy when he is wearing a tshirt (he would peep inside).

- Atul is a little helper these days. When it's time to eat, I would say, "Atul it's time to eat, can you please go get your bib quickly?". He would rush to his closet and grab a handful of bibs and hand it over to me. This is a big thing for me because it means 1. he understands he has to wear a bib before he eats 2. he knows where it is 3. he is focused enough to not get diverted with other tempting items in his shelf. I can't wait for him to help me with loading the dishwasher :)

I may have missed stories here and there. Will be updating this post as and when it comes to my mind.

My company is sponsoring a three-day event in Atlantic City, NJ towards the end of this month. Had it been a couple of years back, I would have started my final countdown for the trip by now. But right now, it would suffice to say that I am telling myself that I am not a selfish person just because I want to take part in this event. I am feeling awful and guilty probably because this is the first time that I will be away from Atul for two days and a night. May be I won't feel this bad when I am actually away from him.
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Coming to Atu updates.

- Recent additions to his vocab: Chappathi, This, Bye, and other random words which we are not able to understand.

- His communication skills have improved manifold. Today, he dragged Arvind to the refrigerator, made him open the door and insisted the Arvind feed him yo-baby. Wow! the kiddo knows what he wants and is able to communicate it to us. This make our job easier.

- His prayer routine: says good morning to Ganesha picture in our room. Then, holds on to our hands (one side Arvind and the other side me) and walks us to the prayer place. I would recite a slokam (prayer) during which time, Atu would touch Opppilappan's (an incarnation of Lord Venkateswara and our family diety) feet and rest his hands on his chest (yes, it melts my heart every single time he does that!). With this, he is all set to play with the bell in the sannadhi.

- He tries to immitate us a lot. Arvind's coughs are followed by sympathy coughs from Atul :)
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I read something last week on temper tantrums that puts the behavior in perspective

Why do kids throw tantrums? Their motor and congnitive skills are much more sophisticated than their language skills. But they feel and understand much more than what they can express. Since they don't have words to express their frustration, they tend to show it in action.

Here are some quick Atul updates:

The words that Atul has used/is using in the past couple of months: Appa, amma, mama, thatha, papa, vava, ight (for light), atu baby, tree, toy, shoe, no or num. His communication skills have improved manifold in the past few days. Although, his vocab is still preliminary, he knows that he needs to use words to express himself. When he wants something, he first grabs my attention with his scream, then babbles something and points towards the object that he wants. If I don't understand, he keeps pointing over and over until I get what he has in mind.

Atu has never been a big fan of stuffed toys. Recently, I taught him how to hug his mickey stuffed toy and he is so fascinated by it. So now, when amma wants a hug from atu, it's a two step process. First, he drags his mickey and gives it to me. I have to hug mickey, and then our hero joins the hugging. It's actually very funny to see his eyes searching for mickey all over the room when I ask him for a hug.

Atu is slowly moving away from his sippy cup. He wants to drink milk from the coffee mug that Arvind and I use. He has to be seated on the window ledge and see the cars pass by when he sips his milk!

Atu likes being the centre of attraction. When we have visitors at home, he would be shy for the first five minutes and would lean on to me. In the next few minutes he is all over our friends showing off his toys and asking them to read books for him.

Have so many more things to share, but stopping here for now! Have a great week ahead all of you.

I wanted to write a long whiny post but don't think I have the time for it. Atul has been sick on and off. Arvind and I have been working in shifts to care for him and as a result our routine has gone for a toss. Tough times don't last, but tough people do, has been my mantra.

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These days, my worst fears are coming true. Arvind says the trick is to nip them in the bud with positive attitude. Determined to stop being a worrywart!

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Quick Atu updates: Atu has started walking on his own and his face lights up like a 1000 watts bulb with the sense of accomplishment. Insists on feeding himself...still clumsy with a spoon and fork but does a good job with his hands. Emotionally, he is at a difficult point. He is trying to control his environment with his new found sense of self. Handling his temper tantrums is challenging, hopefully I will get better with time.

Gotta go now, more to follow along with his 15th month pictures. Take care all of you!

Atul has graduated to the older infant room, also known as the Ladybug room. Unlike the Sweetpea room, where infants are allowed to be on their own schedule, in the Ladybug room, the older infants are taught to follow a schedule, self-feed and play with each other. There are more toys to play with and more room to wander around. When I drop him off at day care, his friends, who are a few months older than him, greet him (with his nickname at school) "Hi! Tully" before resuming their snack session. As soon as I take his jacket off, Atu goes straight to attack his snacks and happily waves a bye-bye to me.

It has taken me nearly six months to trust somebody else with my baby and accept that he is enjoying himself even when I am not around. His teachers deserve a wagon load of "thank you" for making him realize that there are people outside his family who love and care for him.

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My friend at work handed over a bunch of wooden puzzles that his son had once used. So the other day, Arvind was teaching him to distinguish between orange, grapes and pears on the puzzle. Atu looks a little puzzled (aha! pun) and points to the dining table where we have a basket of fake fruits that he is used to identifying.

Come to think of it, it is a complicated concept for a 14-month old: orange can be a color, a real fruit that he can eat, a fake fruit that he is only allowed to play with and now, it's something he sees on a puzzle as well! It gets easier from here my honey bunny.

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For the past few weeks, Atul has been busy exploring the world around him which means I have graduated to the next stage of motherhood : from Atu, "that's so sweet and cute" to Atu, "no-no", "don't do that", "it's yucky and yucky things go in the trash", "only food goes in your mouth and paper is not food," "don't pull amma's hair.. nice and gentle please" "clap your hands" "pat ur head" "mutha tha" (give me a kiss).

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Atul likes reading his "my pets" book. In the third page, there's a picture of a small girl with her kitty and it reads "kitties are cuddly". These days when I am about to turn the third page, he comes closer to cuddle me as though telling that he knows what to expect in the next page.

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Some of his recent milestones:

- Association: Can identify objects, books and persons when we call out their names. When I talk about his teacher and friends at school he gives a that-rings-a-bell expression on his face.

- Independence: Wants to eat and drink on his own. When he eats, shows his affection by feeding us. Also does that, when he doesn't like the food in front of him (Nice try kiddo!). A few days back, he was also trying to wear his socks! (not exactly but did something similiar to that).

- Emotional: Is beginning to show empathy for our feelings. Fakes a lot too. When I give him a stern look or say "no no" he gets upset but not upset enough to cry. He is the Sivaji Ganeshan (legendary tamil actor) of our house.

- Vocabulary: He is being very chatty. His teacher told me that she kinda thought that he caller her "laura" and when she asked him do you miss me, he said "yeah". I must research on the effects of speaking two languages on his speech development... have heard conflicting opinions on it.

I can officially declare that Arvind is a full fledged dad: Feeds Atul in a sippy cup, gives him cereal, changes his diapers, dresses him up, can put him to sleep, take him to the doctor, comfort him when he is given a flu shot and give him his medicine. Two thumbs up to daddy!!! Atul is identifying fun and games with his dad and food and comfort with his mom... why the partiality kiddo?:):)

Atul has learnt a new spitting trick and he has also found out that the best time to practice it would be during his dinner. As a result, our hero has food everywhere (mommy's face and clothes included) than in his mouth. Since I spend very little time with him, I try to be as patient as I can be. But I so totally lost it on friday and raised my voice and tone. And.... our little prince started pouting his lips... yes the kinda look that sends you on a guilt trip. It was actually so cute that I wanted to (ab)use my mommy power to make him pout his lips again.

Atu's emotional development has reached a new level. He empathises a lot these days. When he sees me happy, he is excited. When Arvind picks him up and roughouses him, he is super thrilled. And on friday by getting upset with my tone his empathy has come to a full circle. Some of his other latest developments include taking a couple of steps when somebody holds him, rolling over to get the toys that he wants and holding on to my shirt to pull himself up.

Yesterday, I gave a piece of chapathi just to encourage him to eat "big people's" food. He picked it from me, examined it for a couple of seconds and threw it on the floor mercilessly. Then, I gave him a marie biscuit. He grabbed it from me and without a moment's hesitation started biting it. My culinary skills has now become a subject of joke with my friends!

Note: Atul painted a lady bug in his "school" last week :):)